Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon

Just now I thought I would try to listen to "Gone Too Soon" again. Since normally I just can't listen to it.


Well, I didn't make it past the first verse.

It hurts too much. 10 months it's almost been, yet it hurts too much.


The ache sort of wells up inside me and I feel it in my throat....

and the tears form hot and thick in my eyes, roll down my cheeks....


It just hurts too much.


Memories of June, July come flooding back.


Of images and pictures everywhere, and TV specials, of ugly rumors in the tabloids, and heartbreaking scenes from across the globe.


It just hurts too, too much.


Of candles and prayers and tributes, of flowers and teddy bears....of tears and smiles, dancing and singing, arm-in-arm.....

Of 3 little children on a stage, fighting back tears...

Oh, God!


How it hurts.


My heart breaks and bleeds once more.


And I realize that....this will never go away. Not really.


What have we lost? Oh, oh, oh................


It hurts too much.


And so with tear-streaked face I write -

Like a comet blazing 'cross the evening sky

Gone too soon




I love you, Michael. The world misses you. <3

Upon this Rock...

This is so refreshing and lovely after being assaulted with lies and vitriol about our dear Holy Father.

Papa Benedetto, we love you and are praying for you!

Rambling on forever when I should be asleep

Basically, I have only one month of school left. Just one month left of my freshman year of college.

Where the freaking HECK did the year go???????

On one hand, yes, time does feel like it has passed. In a normal fashion.

On the other hand, I feel like I blinked around last July or so and it's now April of the following year.

Excuse me??

sigh.

This is a post for another day, this about time, the passage of time, the rushing around of our post-modern existence (I'm tired of just existing, too), this blinking and literally hours passing.....

what has happened to us? I feel so crazy and un-whole and fragmented. And quite honestly, the one thing that seems to cause, in part, at least, this 'phenomenon', is modern technology.

Anytime I distance myself from the internet, etc, suddenly time slows down.

I feel more alive.

And yet how greatly God has blessed me through the internet! And technology....

sigh. What do You want me to do?

Yes, I know, moderation in all things....

Except perhaps love. One can never love too much.

We've all got a disease
Deficiency of love


Anyway, check this blog out, it's one of my favourites. I love it. :)



Maybe this summer I will write more proper blogs. I don't know. Maybe this summer I will take long extended breaks from being online, and (weather permitting, I hate excessive heat and also sunburn ridiculously quickly) spend more time out in our garden, building up my long-neglected herb garden, start a Mary garden with ma Maman ....

Sew again...if I can remember how, lol, read more books more often, write more physical letters,

spend more time with friends in the flesh,

cook and bake again,


master Thriller for the fall (I will do it! I know I can, I almost did in October) :D


I want to feel more connected to God and the Cosmos again.


I hate feeling sick inside. Like this. Perpetually fatigued. The weight of the world on my small shoulders. I am no Atlas.

I am not Christ, Who bore that weight already so I don't have to, through His Cross. So none of us have to.


Daisy, let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
It doesn't hold your interest
It doesn't hold your soul
Daisy, let it go


Pray for me, any and all who read this. I will keep you on my heart and in my prayers, too.


Ad Jesum per Mariam....


and why does my heart hurt like this? What is this strange, nameless pain? Humanity

Wounded and bleeding


I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart is still beating
beating
beating
I'm bleeding...



O Jesus, King of Love, I put my trust in thy loving mercy.


Build up trust in me, Lord. Please, grant me this grace.


I've been listening to a band a little bit lately that I haven't much listened to since the summer of 2008.

That was a weird summer.

And feeling those feelings again is weird.

And how epically inadequate are those words to describe it? -___-


I was ... depressed .. that summer.

I saw the world through a bizarrely clear lens. A lens, a prism that clarified some things and horribly distorted others.

The ache was raw and suffocating. Just there. All the time. Sort of dull and sharp at the same time.


I feel weird now. Actually, the word I want to use is queer, as it is the only English word that really fits the feel I mean. Peculiar, strange, bizarre, odd, weird, and so forth don't cut it, and that word has been stolen from me, and I have not been given an adequate replacement.

sigh again.






"How happy I am to see myself imperfect and be in need of God’s mercy."

~ St. Thérèse of Lisieux



And so I end this rambly, sleep-deprived, semi-depressed, stressed-out state-of-mind-written post.

To repeat in each of us

Christ Himself vouchsafes to repeat in each of us in figure and mystery all that He did and suffered in the flesh. He is formed in us, born in us, suffers in us, rises again in us, lives in us; and this not by a succession of events, but all at once: for He comes to us as a Spirit, all dying, all rising again, all living. We are ever receiving our birth, our justification, our renewal, ever dying to sin, ever rising to righteousness.

John Henry Cardinal Newman, From the sermon ‘Righteousness not of us, but in us’ (1840) Click here for the full text

He is risen from the dead!

I got this in my inbox this Easter morn, I pray you let me share it with you. :) Easter joy and blessings upon you all! Remember, Eastertide is 50 whole days, so don't stop the celebrating just yet. ^_^

Let us never forget that in proportion as our love is “rooted and grounded” in the next world, our faith must branch forth like a fruitful tree into this. The calmer our hearts, the more active be our lives; the more tranquil we are, the more busy; the more resigned, the more zealous; the more unruffled, the more fervent. This is one of the many paradoxes in the world’s judgment of him, which the Christian realizes in himself. Christ is risen; He is risen from the dead. We may well cry out, "Alleluia, the Lord Omnipotent reigneth." He has crushed all the power of the enemy under His feet. He has gone upon the lion and the adder. He has stopped the lion’s mouth for us His people, and has bruised the serpent’s head. There is nothing impossible to us now, if we do but enter into the fulness of our privileges, the wondrous power of our gifts. The thing cannot be named in heaven or earth within the limits of truth and obedience which we cannot do through Christ; the petition cannot be named which may not be accorded to us for His Name’s sake. For, we who have risen with Him from the grave, stand in His might, and are allowed to use His weapons. His infinite influence with the Father is ours,—not always to use, for perhaps in this or that effort we make, or petition we prefer, it would not be good for us; but so far ours, so fully ours, that when we ask and do things according to His will, we are really possessed of a power with God, and do prevail:—so that little as we may know when and when not, we are continually possessed of heavenly weapons, we are continually touching the springs of the most wonderful providences in heaven and earth; and by the Name, and the Sign, and the Blood of the Son of God, we are able to make devils tremble and Saints rejoice.

Such are the arms which faith uses, small in appearance, yet “not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;” [2 Cor. 10:4] despised by the world, what seems a mere word, or a mere symbol, or mere bread and wine; but God has chosen the weak things of the world to confound the mighty, and foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and as all things spring from small beginnings, from seeds and elements invisible or insignificant, so when God would renew the race of man, and reverse the course of human life and earthly affairs, He chose cheap things for the rudiments of His work, and bade us believe that He could work through them, and He would do so. As then we Christians discern in Him, when He came on earth, not the carpenter’s son, but the Eternal Word Incarnate, as we see beauty in Him in whom the world saw no form or comeliness, as we discern in that death an Atonement for sin in which the world saw nothing but a malefactor’s sentence; so let us believe with full persuasion that all that He has bequeathed to us has power from Him. Let us accept His Ordinances, and His Creed, and His precepts; and let us stand upright with an undaunted faith, resolute, with faces like flint, to serve Him in and through them; to inflict them upon the world without misgiving, without wavering, without anxiety; being sure that He who saved us from hell through a Body of flesh which the world insulted, tortured, and triumphed over, much more can now apply the benefits of His passion through Ordinances which the world has lacerated and now mocks.

~ John Henry Cardinal Newman, from the sermon ‘Keeping Fast and Festival’ (1838) Click here to see the full text

That I may grieve with you

Pietà, by Franz von Stuck

O Mother, fountain of love,
make me feel the power of sorrow,
that I may grieve with you.

Grant that my heart may burn
in the love of the Lord Christ
that I may greatly please Him.

Holy Mother, grant this of yours,
that the wounds of the Crucified be well-formed
in my heart.

Grant that the punishment of your wounded Son,
so worthily suffered for me,
may be shared with me.

Let me sincerely weep with you,
bemoan the Crucified,
for as long as I live.

To stand beside the Cross with you,
and for me to join you
in mourning, this I desire.

When my body dies,
grant that to my soul is given
the glory of paradise. Amen.

~ from here.

A great silence and stillness

The Harrowing of Hell by Fra Angelico, c. 1437-1446

A homily for Holy Saturday, Bishop Melito of Sardis, 2nd century.


Something strange is happening – there is a great silence on earth today, a great silence and stillness. The whole earth keeps silence because the King is asleep. The earth trembled and is still because God has fallen asleep in the flesh and he has raised up all who have slept ever since the world began. God has died in the flesh and hell trembles with fear.

He has gone to search for our first parent, as for a lost sheep. Greatly desiring to visit those who live in darkness and in the shadow of death, he has gone to free from sorrow the captives Adam and Eve, he who is both God and the son of Eve. The Lord approached them bearing the cross, the weapon that had won him the victory.

At the sight of him Adam, the first man he had created, struck his breast in terror and cried out to everyone: "My Lord be with you all." Christ answered him: "And with your spirit." He took him by the hand and raised him up, saying: "Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light."

"I am your God, who for your sake have become your son. Out of love for you and for your descendants I now by my own authority command all who are held in bondage to come forth, all who are in darkness to be enlightened, all who are sleeping to arise. I order you, O sleeper, to awake. I did not create you to be held a prisoner in hell.

"Rise from the dead, for I am the life of the dead. Rise up, work of my hands, you who were created in my image. Rise, let us leave this place, for you are in me and I am in you; together we form only one person and we cannot be separated.

"For your sake I, your God, became your son; I, the Lord, took the form of a slave; I, whose home is above the heavens, descended to the earth and beneath the earth. For your sake, for the sake of man, I became like a man without help, free among the dead. For the sake of you, who left a garden, I was betrayed to in a garden, and I was crucified in a garden.

'See on my face the spittle I received in order to restore to you the life I once breathed into you. See there the marks of the blows I received in order to refashion your warped nature in my image. On my back see the marks of the scourging I endured to remove the burden of sin that weighs upon your back. See my hands, nailed firmly to a tree, for you who once wickedly stretched out your hand to a tree.

"I slept on the cross and a sword pierced my side for you who slept in paradise and brought forth Eve from your side. My side has healed the pain in yours. My sleep will rouse you from your sleep in hell. The sword that pierced me has sheathed the sword that was turned against you.

'Rise, let us leave this place. The enemy led you out of the earthly paradise. I will not restore you to that paradise, but I will enthrone you in heaven. I forbade you the tree that was only a symbol of life, but see, I who am life itself am now one with you. I appointed cherubim to guard you as slaves are guarded, but now I make them worship you as God.

"The throne formed by cherubim awaits you, its bearers swift and eager. The bridal chamber is adorned, the banquet is ready, the eternal dwelling places are prepared, the treasure houses of all good things lie open. The kingdom of heaven has been prepared for you from all eternity".

Shrouded in tears

Do please read this, I found it especially good. :)

Excerpt:

So what does a “jeweled cross” indicate? It means that the suffering we endure for love has value—and even more so when joined to the salvific work of Christ. His is the cross that gives merit to our pain, and he is the one who shows what love can accomplish.

While we meditate on this truth in Lent, every tragedy, such as the loss of a child, can become its own Lent—of seeming endless duration. Its Easter mysteries may be shrouded in tears, and the victory of love over death may be clouded by the very ache of such love so tinged with fresh sorrow. That is entirely understandable...

All creation wept

BEHOLD I shall tell of a most marvelous dream---what I dreamed at midnight, when men and their voices were at rest. It seemed to me that I saw a tree, more wonderful than any other, reach high aloft, bathed in light, brightest of wood. All that beacon was covered with gold. Four gems were set where it met the earth, and five more stood on it high about the crosspiece. There looked upon it many host of angels, fair in the form God gave them of old.

This was surely no felon’s gallows, for holy spirits beheld it, men upon earth, and all this glorious creation. Wonderful was the triumphant tree, and I stained with sin, wounded with wrongdoing. I saw the tree of wonder, adorned with clothes, shine brilliantly, decked with gold; splendidly had jewels covered the Lord’s tree. But through that gold I might see wretches’ ancient agony, for now it began to bleed upon the right side. I was sadly troubled, afraid of that fair sight. I saw that beacon, changeable, alter in clothes and in color: now was it wet with moisture, drenched with blood’s flowing, now adorned with treasure. But I lay there a long while looking upon the Saviour’s tree, troubled in mind, until I heard it give voice; the noblest of trees began to speak.

“It was long ago---still I remember it---that I was hewn down at the wood’s edge, taken from my stump. Fierce foes seized me, shaped me into the spectacle that they wished, bade me lift their felons. Men carried me on their shoulders to a hill where they set me down; foes enough fasted me there. Then I saw the Master of Mankind listen with all His heart because He wished to climb upon me. I did not dare against God’s word bow or break, though I saw earth’s surface tremble. All foeman I might have felled, but I stood fast. The young Hero stripped Himself---He who was God almighty---strong and stouthearted. He climbed upon the high gallows, valiant, in the sight of many, for He would redeem mankind. I shook when the Warrior embraced me, yet I dared not bow to earth, fall to the ground’s surface: I must stand fast. A cross was I raised; I lifted up the Might King, Lord of the Heavens; I dared not bend. They pierced me with dark nails---on me are the wounds seen, open hateful gashes. Nor did I dare do harm to any of them. They mocked us both together. I was all wet with blood shed from the sides of that Man by the time that He had sent forth His spirit. Many bitter things I had endured on the hill. I saw the God of Hosts cruelly racked. Darkness had covered with its mists the Ruler’s body, the bright splendor. Shadow came forth, dark under the clouds. All creation wept, bewailed, the King’s fall: Christ was on Cross.

“Yet from afar, ready and willing, there came some to the Lord . I saw all this. Sore was I troubled, yet I bent to the hands of the men, with all my heart humble. They took Almighty God, lifted Him from His great torment. The warriors let me stand, stained with blood. I was all wounded with arrows. They laid Him down, limb-weary, stood at His body’s head, gazed upon Heaven’s Lord; and He rested Him there a while, exhausted after the great struggle. In the sight of His slayer warriors began to build Him an earth-home, carved it out of bright stone, set therein the Wielder of Triumphs. Then they began to sing for Him a song of lament, sad in the evening. Then would they depart, tired, from the great Lord. He rested with small host; yet we stood in our places a good while, weeping. The song of the men rose up. The body grew cold, the spirit’s fair dwelling. Then they began to fell us to the earth---that was a fearful fate. They buried us in a deep pit. Yet thanes of the Lord, friends, hear of me there . . . decked me with gold and silver.

“Thou might now understand, man beloved of me, that I had endured suffering of evils, of grievous sorrows. Now is the happy time come that far and wide men upon earth adore me, and all this glorious creation prays to this beacon. On me the Son of God suffered for awhile; therefore now I tower glorious under the heavens, and I may heal every one of those that hold me in awe. Once I was made the hardest of torments, most loathsome to men, before I made open the true road to life for all who have voices. Lo, the Lord of Glory honoured me above all the trees of the wood, the Ruler of Heaven, just as his Mother also, Mary herself, Almighty God for the sake of all men honoured above all woman’s kind.

“Now I bid thee, man beloved of me, that thou tell this vision to men. Reveal with thy words that it is the tree of glory on which Almighty God suffered for mankind’s many sins and for the deeds done by Adam long ago. Death He tasted there; yet the Lord rose again in His great might to help mankind. Then He ascended into Heaven; but He will come again hither to seek mankind on doomsday, the Lord Himself. Almighty God, and His angels with Him, that at that time He who has the power to judge may judge each one as in this transitory life he deserves. Nor may any be unafraid of the word that the Ruler will speak. Before His multitude He will ask where the man is who in the name of the Lord would taste bitter death as He did on the Cross. But then they will be afraid and will little know what they may begin to answer to Christ. Yet there need not any be afraid who bears on his breast the best of beacons. For through the Cross shall every soul who thinks to dwell with the Lord seek His kingdom in his earthly journey.

Then blithe-hearted, confident, I prayed to the Cross, there where I was alone, without company. My heart was drawn away from earth’s paths. Often I endured weariness of spirit. Now is there hope of life, that I may seek the tree of triumph, honour it more often than other men, since I am alone. Great is the desire of my heart of the Cross, and my hope of protection rest in it. I have not many powerful friends on earth, for they have gone from the joys of the world, sought for themselves the King of Glory; now they live in Heaven with High Father, dwell in glory. And every day I expect the time when the Lord’s Cross that I beheld here on earth shall fetch me in this transitory life and bring me where bliss is great, joy in Heaven, where the Lord’s folk are set at the feast, where bliss is eternal. And may it place me where I may thereafter dwell in glory, enjoy with the saints their delight. May the Lord be my friend, who here on earth suffered for man’s sins on the gallows tree. He redeemed us and granted us life, a heavenly home. Hope was restored, with glory and bliss, to those who suffered in fire . The Son was victorious in that foray, mighty and successful. Then He came with many, a host of spirits, into God’s kingdom, the All-Powerful Ruler, and the angels and all the saints who then dwelt in Heaven rejoiced when their Ruler, Almighty God, came where His home was.



~ The Dream of the Rood, 7th (?) century, Anglo-Saxon

Let God arise

As an "antidote" or follow-up to my last very disconcerting post, here is another blog post, from my favorite Vultus Christi. Father Mark offers much in the way of beauty and wisdom there. I thank God for him. Here, In our struggle with the powers of darkness, I am given hope and a chance to breathe. Please, read it.

After all, though a new era of martyrs this may surely be, then that means a new era of saints. Those among us who will rise above the rest and be shining witnesses to God's love and mercy, God's truth and sovereignty, in a hungry, thirsty, aching world. We are all of us called to be saints. Each one of us.
I pray for living courage in the face of evil. I pray for a vibrant, anchored faith in the face of lies and falsehoods. I pray for illuminating hope in the face of darkness and deadening despair. I pray for a living, bleeding, breathing love in the face of hate, indifference, wrath, sin, and the culture of death.

Let us pray together. Let us, through our imperfect lives, help to usher in the Kingdom of God. We are called to be icon-bearers of Christ to the world. For some, we might be the only glimpse of Truth they will ever receive.

Fides, by Sir Edward Burne-Jones

"What is the monster we've become?"

And I thought this world was already utterly, utterly insane.

Guess I was wrong. Sorry to be so depressing today, but check this out. [WARNING: Link contains disturbing and graphic details/info.]
THIS. On top of all that is already WRONG with the world, on top of all that is already EVIL. More. More of it. More insanity.

I feel like screaming, and this is one of the very good reasons why God did not endow me with magical powers and a wand to harness it with. I would be too dangerous with them. Case in point -- situations like this. Mercy fades in my heart and I just want JUSTICE DONE NOW. It is only later when I am calmer do I begin to feel such overwhelming sorrow for the people like this. Sometimes I feel a kinship with St. Thérèse and her great desire to save souls. Sometimes I feel that way. This great burden and responsibility and yearning, this need, to reach people and bring them the Light of Christ. They need it so much. This world needs it so much.

I mean, read the comments....someone mentions another HEINOUS Youtube video (I unfortunately know such videos/acts are relatively common) involving cruelty to a helpless animal. GOD, I WANT TO SCREAM AND SHOOT SOMEONE. Or at least ask for another Flood. OMG. I FEEL SO FREAKING TICKED OFF RIGHT NOW.

-_____________-


Oh, my God, what have we done?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????

WHAT ARE WE DOING??!!!??!!??????????????????????


Oh, Mary, Mary, Light in All Darkness and Mother of Hope - PRAY FOR US.


Everyone just pray. And fight. We are in a war. Father Phillips, at church, wasn't kidding when he said we are living in a New Age of Martyrdom.

Martyrdom takes many forms, and though right now it may not look like the Age of Martyrs in the past, with horrific tortures and executions, if one but looks, you will see how and where the martyrdoms happen. We suffer and are tortured and killed in other ways. But we are on the path back to all-out persecution. Traces of 1984 and suchlike are becoming more apparent every day.........



Oh, God, I'm so scared!

Oh, God, my heart hurts!

Oh, God, I feel so sick!


My God! You ask us to trust You! How? How?

And yet, still You say - "Fear not, for I am with you always."

"In the end, my Immaculate Heart will triumph."

Oh, Mary, when will that be? I'm starting to wish it. Though I do not wish for the end of this life, I wish for thy triumph. I wish for Christ's reign upon this Earth. Oh.......

It's things like this that cause me to lose hope. But we are never without hope. There is always hope. Always. We must be the ones to keep working, keep fighting, keep living and loving, keep its Flame burning.

"And all that is not well shall be made well."



We live in a very, very sick world. Perhaps sicker than it has EVER been before. We must fight for its soul. We must fight and pray. The Holy Rosary is one of the best 'weapons' we have against evil. Pray it. Pray it. Every day. I confess I don't always. :( But I should. Our Lady asked us to, pleaded us to, at Fatima.


We need the Great Physician now more than ever.



Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

He weeps.

Begin with the world unseen

(And what's this about no comments on the song before this post? Hmmm? Do you seriously not like it? xD)

I meant to post this on Sunday, and I know that Monday is now almost over, but better late than never! I subscribe to their email list, and received this in my inbox on Palm Sunday. :) I pray it offers you some food for thought and meditation, as we enter the second day of Holy Week.

Christ's Entry into Jerusalem, by Jean-Hippolyte Flandrin

In ‘The Cross of Christ the Measure of the World’ (1841) Newman argues that this world can only be truly understood in the light of the cross of Christ, for we must experience the sufferings of this world before we can understand ourselves, our weakness and sin, and so realise our eternal destiny. So is this world somehow bad, and not to be enjoyed? No, says Newman, but: ‘they alone can truly feast, who have first fasted’.

And thus, too, all that is bright and beautiful, even on the surface of this world, though it has no substance, and may not suitably be enjoyed for its own sake, yet is a figure and promise of that true joy which issues out of the Atonement [for our sins which Christ worked on the cross]. It is a promise beforehand of what is to be: it is a shadow, raising hope because the substance is to follow, but not to be rashly taken instead of the substance. And it is God’s usual mode of dealing with us, in mercy to send the shadow before the substance, that we may take comfort in what is to be, before it comes. Thus our Lord before His Passion rode into Jerusalem in triumph, with the multitudes crying Hosanna, and strewing His road with palm branches and their garments. This was but a vain and hollow pageant, nor did our Lord take pleasure in it. It was a shadow which stayed not, but flitted away. It could not be more than a shadow, for the Passion had not been undergone by which His true triumph was wrought out. He could not enter into His glory before He had first suffered. He could not take pleasure in this semblance of it, knowing that it was unreal. Yet that first shadowy triumph was the omen and presage of the true victory to come, when He had overcome the sharpness of death. And we commemorate this figurative triumph on the last Sunday in Lent, to cheer us in the sorrow of the week that follows, and to remind us of the true joy which comes with Easter-Day.

And so, too, as regards this world, with all its enjoyments, yet disappointments. Let us not trust it; let us not give our hearts to it; let us not begin with it. Let us begin with faith; let us begin with Christ; let us begin with His Cross and the humiliation to which it leads. Let us first be drawn to Him who is lifted up, that so He may, with Himself, freely give us all things. Let us “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness,” and then all those things of this world “will be added to us.” They alone are able truly to enjoy this world, who begin with the world unseen. They alone enjoy it, who have first abstained from it. They alone can truly feast, who have first fasted; they alone are able to use the world, who have learned not to abuse it; they alone inherit it, who take it as a shadow of the world to come, and who for that world to come relinquish it.

(Reference: John Henry Newman, Parochial and Plain Sermons Vol 6 (1842) Sermon no. 7, p. 92-3)

***My thoughts - Yes, a shadow of the world to come. But then, so are we also shadows of who we really are. We will not become fully and completely ourselves, fully alive, until we pass through death, a second birth. All Creation groans for redemption; it will not be "destroyed" in the Apocalyptic imagery (exploited and exaggerated and woefully misunderstood) that is so known to us (and despised by me), I think it is more proper and orthodox to believe that Creation will be renewed and redeemed. What is false will pass away; what is true shall not pass away, but be made perfect. "Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen."

I've been reaching for the stars

So yesterday, since it is now barely Sunday, lol, was Lazarus Saturday. I had actually forgotten about it until a friend mentioned it on her blog. xD
Probably because I am Latin Rite (Western) and not an Eastern Rite or Byzantine Catholic, or Orthodox, as this day is more in their liturgical calendars than in our Western ones. :P

In honor of the day, whether or not it's on my calendar, lol, I am sharing this beautiful song by one of my newest favorite bands, Army of Me. The song is called "Rise" and I have heard it acoustic in person. :D

I was actually thinking of posting it yesterday, but today...er....yesterday...makes better sense. You will see why. ^_^ Enjoy!

You may listen here, which also has lyrics.

Lyrics:

I’ve been reaching for the stars
I’ve been stretching out so far
Am I getting any closer than I’ve ever been before?
I was lying in the gutter
I was crawling in the street
Now the servants are all sitting
in the most distinguished seats, so…

Rise, rise
Like a star you will rise

I’m rebuilding this house that was taken by the waves
This time I’ll make a mansion
This time I’m not afraid
I was lying in the gutter
I was calling in the streets
I was looking for an answer
The answer, it found me, so…

Rise, rise
Like a star you will rise

Strengthen my ankles, it’s time to walk
Rise up, rise up, my heart’s unlocked
I have been hiding for much too long
It’s time..

Rise, rise
Like a star you will rise
Dead man, come out

Ecce ancilla Domini, fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum

Oh, alas, alas, it has been days and days since last I posted anything, I know! For shame! I am so darn busy right now, it's maddening. And so this little blog-in-forming, as I call it, gets neglected. In fact, I approved some lovely comments recently by some of you and have yet to reply to them! Agh! I will, though, I will.

First off, I am rather amazed that Sunday is Palm Sunday and Lent is nearing its end. Holy Week is upon us! How can this be? The days go by so fast. :/


Today is Lady Day! I love that English name for it. There's just something about it that makes my heart quicken. It is the feast of the Annunciation, when we remember when the Archangel Gabriel appeared to Our Lady Mary, announcing the coming of the Saviour, whom she would conceive in her womb. Today is a day of joy! The beginning of the Incarnation and the setting forth in motion of our salvation.

Since I don't have a lot of time, but I still would like to share some thoughts for today, I am linking a lovely reflection from Deacon Keith Fournier on today's feast: Mary Teaches Us How to Live.

Also, one of my favorite religious blogs, Vultus Christi, has a beautiful post for today, The Two Annunciations. I urge you to read it.

And now, a poem, Ave Maria plena Gratia, from Oscar Wilde, who on his deathbed came to faith, and was baptized and anointed by a Catholic priest.

Was this His coming! I had hoped to see
A scene of wondrous glory, as was told
Of some great God who in a rain of gold
Broke open bars and fell on Danaë:
Or a dread vision as when Semele
Sickening for love and unappeased desire
Prayed to see God’s clear body, and the fire
Caught her white limbs and slew her utterly:
With such glad dreams I sought this holy place,
And now with wondering eyes and heart I stand
Before this supreme mystery of Love:
A kneeling girl with passionless pale face,
An angel with a lily in his hand,
And over both with outstretched wings the Dove.

The Annunciation, by John William Waterhouse

Surpassing all we know

I meant to post this yesterday, but forgot. In choir here we are now learning a song I've already sung with my beloved high school Chorale! It was either my sophomore or junior year, I can't remember. Probably junior. The words are so beautiful, I thought I'd share it with you. If ever I can get my hands on our recording of it, I will be sure to share that, too! (I'm pretty sure we did record it.)

Pilgrims' Hymn
Music composed by Stephen Paulus, Text by Michael Dennis Browne

Even before we call on Your name
To ask You, O God,
When we seek for the words to glorify You,
You hear our prayer;
Unceasing love, O unceasing love
Surpassing all we know.

Glory be to the Father,
And to the Son,
And to the Holy Spirit.

Even with darkness sealing us in,
We breathe Your name,
And through all the days that follow so fast,
We trust in You;
Endless Your grace, O endless Your grace,
Beyond all mortal dream.

Both now and forever,
And unto ages and ages,
Amen.

Alone in the stillness

LOBH head-webmistress Jeanna shared this recent interview with Jon Foreman that she found. He has got to be one of my most favorite people on this planet. :)


I feel [God's love] when all the chaos is pushed aside.

A forgotten art worth reviving

Over at Love and Fidelity Network, they posted this article on the differences between courtship and dating, between wooing and pursuing. Now what girl in her right mind wouldn't want to be wooed? I always say I don't want to be "dated," I want to be courted. Maybe not necessarily in a way as formally as done in the past, but with the basic framework and mindset of courtship, yes.

And that makes all the difference.

Please read! I'd personally like to hear your thoughts and reactions to it. :)

On the Forgotten Art of Pitching Woo

The End of the Quest, by Sir Francis Dicksee

Truth

"Love always has meaning. But sometimes only God knows what it is."

~ Madeleine L'Engle

Now I'm finally where I belong

I am in the process of telling a new friend of mine my conversion story. Well, as much of it as I feel comfortable telling. :P I’ve already warned her how long and rambly and involved and intricate and winding it is, and how it will take me forever to tell it to her. So I edit. ;) But in all seriousness, I know I could most likely write an entire book on my “story.” In fact, it would be more like a memoir or autobiography than just a book telling my conversion, as this involves my entire life. Indeed, yes, one could say my whole life thus far has been leading up to my entry into the Holy Catholic Church, and afterwards, going ever deeper.

This is why the Protestant notion of a single “moment” of conversion or salvation (ie: being “saved”) is so erroneous. Conversion simply cannot be relegated to a single moment! That’s ridiculous. Conversion takes an entire life. It is an entire life. To constantly refocus, realign one’s life with God’s will, to always be getting back up after stumbling, always seeking out the light in the darkness, always absorbing and seeking out a deeper understanding of the Christian Mysteries, of the Faith. Always going deeper and deeper into the Heart of Love – Christ’s Heart.

Reading that may come as a surprise to a few of the people I know occasionally visit this blog-in-forming. They have no inkling I’m a convert whatsoever. I don’t exactly advertise the fact, and sometimes I’ve even felt rather embarrassed or ashamed of it. Which is ridiculous. I know it is. I have no reason to feel that way. I shouldn’t feel that way sometimes. But I do. More on that later…

Others will only be semi-surprised, having been told of me being a convert many moons ago and having since more-or-less forgotten.

And still others will find this as no surprise at all, with my conversion being very out in the open with them. :)

Why do I sometimes feel almost ashamed to be a convert? Is it because that sometimes I let myself think that being a convert and not a “cradle Catholic” somehow makes me less Catholic? Is it because I fear what others may think – that I will not be devoted to my Faith, not care, know next to nothing, don’t belong here – something?? Is it because I really don’t feel like launching into the discussion of the how’s and why’s and when’s of my conversion?

Ohhhhhhhh….how stupid! How silly! I have NO REASON to think those things. I should be proud, even. I made a conscious choice – to enter the Catholic Church. After what I’ve sometimes seen called the “emotional conversion” came my “intellectual conversion” – I studied, I read, read, read, I researched, I did so much research online of even ‘little’ things. I wanted to know all I could about even just the basic things. I wanted to understand as best I could all the Catholic doctrines and dogmas I would have to accept. “Have to” – sounds like being forced, but I wasn’t. They all make sense to me.

I should feel honored and blessed – as I do – for being a convert. I have come home! “This is home, now I’m finally where I belong…” I sing. As I have been told by others, I am in some ways lucky, because I will never take my Faith for granted now that I have it. I know what it’s like not to have it.

Being Catholic now is as much a part of me as … as being me. :P

Rachel is Catholic. It is part and parcel of my identity now. I would be woefully lost and adrift without it. I don’t even want to think about that. “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

So, yes. I am a convert. My “emotional” conversion was throughout all my life, really, but more-or-less “happened” in the beginning of 2006. Then throughout the rest of 2006 and into 2007 was the majority of my basic “intellectual conversion.” And since then has been the ever-deepening, ever-growing, ever-learning journey of my Catholic life. Just when I think I can go no deeper, God surprises me. And so it will always be. (Thank God!) :)

His love precedes our action

God has already given us His love, the fruit. It is not we who must produce the abundant fruit; Christianity is not moralism, it is not we who must do all that God expects from the world; rather, we must first of all enter into the ontological mystery: God gives Himself. His being, His love, precedes our action and, in the context of His Body, in the context of being in Him and identified with Him, ennobled with His Blood, we too can act with Christ.

~ Pope Benedict XVI, Lectio Divina on the Feast of Our Lady of Trust, Major Pontifical Seminary of Rome